Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Don't ever ask me if Im okay, I don't have the answer.


Well, I got my Slip in my hand right now. And it makes me cry to dead. Yes, I'm crying a river dude! The thing is I got a satisfied and rainbow result, yet instead. That much much hurt me a lot. Okay, seeing others smiling widely to ears just make me jealous. Ya, jealous of course(who doesn't.) Okay, let me tell you what's up. Briefly, I woke up eagerly this morning smiling. Performing Subuh and have some last-minute Doa for myself. Around ten, in front of big mirror, preparing myself, ' I'm gonna make Ibu smile today' , whisper my heart. Along the journey, my hand sweating and Ibu keep giving me motivation. At least, it put my nervous away a bit. There, Ibu and me entering D.I.K and it already started. Ustaz Kamal calling out the 9A student, up to the stage. Nervously waiting my name. And it just hopeless. Sadly, leaving the hall, and find a hidden area to burst my tears out. Ibu concernly calm me lovingly. Hugging her, seeing her face make me more painful. I know deep in her heart, she dissapointed. Then, she kindly take my slip from my class teacher. I'm crying and crying. Crying doesn't solve anything but surely the pain go away for awhile. Sitting alone while waiting for her. Am I the worst daughter ever? Am I the worst student ever? Am I the worst person ever? My heart's screaming. And the worst thing is, I got B in English. What the hell man! It not supposed to be, claiming my heart again. Teacher say that I better gotta check it again as I got A in my trial. Quickly Ibu ask me to go home. I know she's trying to prevent me from seeing my friend with that result. How kindly her. My tears keep falling along the journey.  More and more incoming calls and text from everyone. Madly, I'm turn it to silent. At home, I'm crying hardly in my room. Chilling myself alone. Lifelessly hopelessly . Feeling hideous horrible teribble 'bout myself. Trying to hide myself in the blanket. After awhile, Abah come. He motivates me too. When he left, I thought about what happened this morning. And switching up my phone, I started to accept calls and text. Feeling better. And everyone keep saying, Tahniah, Bersabar, Okaylah tuu , Jangan nangis2, SPM ada lagi, PMR jee. And it makes me feeling alive. In the evening, Ibu calls and asking me for out. Trying to make me smile again. Foolishly, I reject it. And last but not least, I know I have to move on because I got eveyone beside to support me. For my dear readers, I know how difficult time I had and sharing with you just a burden. Sorry for that. Gagal hari nih tak bermakna gagal selama lamanya, so please pray for the changes and miracle for my result. Thankyou.


4 comments:

mazanizam said...

Esok masih ada. Insya-Allah. :)

amni aqilah said...

Terima kasih sensei :)

ΛΛΛ ❤ said...

Jangan nangis dah. Be strong for next year. Boyfiee akak dapat 6A 2B. Satu hari tak text akak. Sedih. Jangan nangis dah tahu :)

amni aqilah said...

Okayy, Thanks kak. Dah tak nangis dah. Penat haha.Btw, cakap tahniah kat boyfie akak :)